Please don't bring guns into my woods. They're just not safe. If you know how to use a gun properly, that's great, but c'mon... accidents do happen. And we all know that bullets can't hurt me anyway, so just don't even bother.

Out, but what does that mean? Sun interference, but you still blame yourself, Home run, but it still doesn’t leave you fulfilled. And more!

The Godfather, Star Wars, Terminator, and more really lose their zippy taglines in this illustrated list.

When you’re so depressed that you sleep through a beautiful day, you don’t have to feel guilty because it’ll still be beautiful out tomorrow. There’s a much greater diversity of industries in Los Angeles than I assumed: You can work in film, television, or film and television. And more!

ESPN's 'How I Met Your Father's Bookie' and more "How I Met Your...' in development!

Between supply chain shortages, lingering pandemic, and the de facto legalization of coup attempts, everything is still a mess, and we know you’ve been too preoccupied with your ongoing nervous breakdown to get your shopping done. Lucky for you, Humorist Books is here with our 2021 Holiday Humor Book Gift Guide!

“As the man once said, the harder you work, the luckier you get.” “Every hateful statement ever made about me is a dirty lie.” And more!

Hamster Hammock, Tiny Purse, Water Balloon Sling, and more in this illustrated list.

These are going fast and you do not want to be left out! Illustrated list by Tiny Beast Comics.

Start your pandemic anniversary off on the right foot with everyone’s favorite isolation comfort food. Candles optional but highly encouraged.

If the video store wasn’t open, but you wanted to watch something, did you just break in and take what you wanted or did you scream at the top of your lungs until something eventually happened?

Instagram notifying someone when you screenshot their story, Accidentally liking someone’s Instagram photo from six years ago, Accidentally liking your ex’s photo on Instagram from six seconds ago, and more!

If you happen to notice the members of another gang wearing your gang colors, you compliment them on their bold and stylish fashion choices. And more!

Detective: Just about the only one who’s isn’t afraid to find out what’s really going on here. Lieutenant: A company man who started out as a good cop (sure, maybe too much of an idealist back then, but who wasn’t? Those were different times.) yet now understands that you have to play their game to make captain—and if that means turning a blind eye to some of the stuff that goes on around here, so be it. And more!

Goodnight Moon- You will never say goodnight to anything, thanks to your insomnia. 

Dogs ask to be adopted specifically by you, You can discuss politics at family parties, and no one will argue with you, and more!

Do you come here to panic buy often?

The cancellation of celebs knows no bounds.

Extend The 'Five-Second Rule' To Food I've Dropped On The Floor To The End Of The Current Business Day, and more.

OUT: Food trucks / IN: Eating whatever you've run over in your truck. And More.

Over the past 10 years, we all read thousands of phenomenal Top 10 listicles. Here now is the definitive list of Weekly Humorist’s top 10 picks for the Top 10 ‘Top 10 lists’ of the 2010’s. Please enjoy!

Know before you go! An illustration list, written by Evan Allgood, and illustrated by Evan Lian.

NY Jet Blues, Chicago Bear Sterns , Los Angeles Land O’ Lakers and more!

So you…Broke your arm while dream-fencing. / Say you… broke your arm while real-life fencing. It sounds very noble and you don’t have to worry about follow-up questions because nobody really knows how fencing works.

3. Keepeth A Garden: Roses, carnations and mint will keep away the infernal smell that bringeth the Death from Rat to Man. Hold their petals in a mask around thine face to hold off the Death from claiming your sinful flesh!

“I Can’t Believe You Thought Coconut Oil Would Taste The Same As Butter” “Potato Chips Count As Paleo. Sure." And more.

Four Letters: You actually met the love of your life yesterday at 6:43 pm. Or you would have if you didn’t insist on getting pho again for like the ninth day in a row. Instead, that person you gave your number to will be ruining your life for the next eleven years.

Lakshminskeep (When you see the face of an NPR host and it is not what you imagined in your head) and more.

KFC-Breeze: Several pieces of greasy fried chicken, stuffed clumsily into a cocktail glass or large margarita bowl. Great for occasions where a dripping bucket isn't quite fancy enough for the room.

Unwatched 10 episode-per-season, 7-season series on Netflix Porn, Look at me I’m a celebrity who is getting notoriety for something shameful and disgraceful Porn, and more.

Fluo Rida Lil Nas Vaxx, Chemtrail Brothers and more!

Windshield wiper, A 15 min nap, A millennial slang decoder ring and more!

The Wailing Walmart, Virgin Mary Atlantic Airlines, The Three Wise Men’s Warehouse, and more.

ANGER: How could you be so stupid? On what grounds did you think you could pull off a keyhole front? Are you not intimately familiar with the appalling physics of your own body? You look like you’re wearing two newborns in a sling you haven’t worked out how to use.

OK, so now you’re looking up flights to France? Why? You know you aren’t actually going to go there, you were just looking up “ways to trick my mother in law into thinking I have more money” so, what game are we playing here?

Intolerant, Undertolerant, Tolerance averse, Possessing a mild allergy to tolerance and more.

Marx Brother: Your family is known for its vaudeville comedy acts. Mark’s Brother: Your family is known for not taking down their Christmas lights.

Ambien 5mg: So it shall be that we would prefer to be away from the body and at home with the Lord. Unto which the Lord replied "OMG, can’t I get 5 goddamned minutes to myself?! Daddy is TIRED.”

'12 Things You Should Never Say On A First Date… APPARENTLY!' '1 Mom And 1 Dad Who DO NOT APPROVE Of My Recreational Adult Kickball League!' And more.

Free access to members of the Illuminati who are handy with plumbing issues, car battery jumps, etc. Unlimited back-rubs from the vice-president. And more.

Brushing your teeth, Dating outside of your gene pool, Math and more.

The Shithole Country Mouse and the City Mouse, The Princess and the Pee Tape, Gulliver’s Travel Ban and more.

Chunderly, Prince Princely Pooferpants, Brexie and more.

'Teens who prefer Pepsi are unpopular, bad at sports, and will marry ugly people' - George, Douglas and Glenn Davis. 'Slowed Social and Physical Development Due Directly to Pepsi Consumption'. Atlanta: The Coca-Cola Company.

The eyelash on your co-worker’s right cheek that you wish you could just grab and make a wish on, but these are not the rules of polite society. Also bees.

Shazam is a very powerful character from the magic side of the DC Universe, but not quite powerful enough to cast a spell to make the world forget the Justice League movie.

You have tons of experience with laundry, so why not cash in on your expertise? Specialize in something like “blood stains” or “J.Lo’s award show gowns.” Film a series of highly relatable and hilarious short videos about laundry to use as advertisements for your new endeavor.

Biden, Butler, Babybel and more.