A tempting talisman. It turns out the first thing I would do for a Klondike bar is to ask my mother, Cheryl, for one. But, the real question, it turns out, is what wouldn’t I do for a Klondike Bar?

Baktykozha Izmukhambetov, Trcghed Acfsfgth, Grcguhgyy Dwfebuuh, and more!

A nicer and louder lawnmower than that asshole Frank has. Hot sauce so spicy it will absolutely ruin whatever you put it on. A blacksmithing forge. And more!

The Flesh, Goosed Rider, Just Ass League, and more #SleazySuperheroes on this week's trending joke game!

Yes! Purr loud and proud, my sassy little Andrew Lloyd Webber Cats! But remember: we can’t lose focus! Ball goes out of bounds? Launch right into “Outbound and Down, We Shake It All Around.” Someone makes a layup? Pick one of the 20 cheers listed in your “wrist coaches.” And don’t forget the unique, guttural chant for each minute that passes on the game clock. We’ve only got 36 minutes of game time to get through all 290 of these things! So no matter what: don’t stop cheering. If you’re guarding someone, that means you’re not cheering. AND YOU SHOULD BE CHEERING!

The Pawffice, Dharma and Beg, Brooklyn K99, and more #DogASitcom on this week's trending joke game!

Which of these pop stars from your youth were treated unfairly in ways that damaged your own sense of self? Hint: This is a trick, it’s all of them.

Boyz II Mantis, Ladybug Gaga, My Morning Yellow Jacket. and more #BugABand on this weeks trending joke game!

The insatiable thirst of you lumbering, barely sentient beasts will never be quenched. Such is the nature of your dire species. But if you insist, a nice pitcher of ginades on the beach is lovely and refreshing.

Pizza Butt, Jizzler, Booger Fling, and more #RevoltingRestaurants on this week's trending joke game!

Other people believing me when I tell them that I have a mustache. No longer able to steal dollhouse furniture from craft stores by hiding the pieces in my mouth. And more!

Let’s face it, Geminis are known for being totally two-faced, which to that I will admit: guilty as charged! I even have a visible scar on one side of my face, so it’s almost as if the stars themselves wanted everyone to know that I’m the best sign of the zodiac—I said what I said! Like the classic Gemini I am, you could say I run a little hot and cold.

It is safe for both sterilized and unsterilized people to go shopping as long as everyone wears condoms.

Fun with Dick and Jane Eyre, 50 First Grapes of Wrath, Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Groundhog Day, and more #BookARomCom on this week's trending joke game!

Redd Foxgloves, Jimmy Hosta, Lou Weed, and more #FamousFlowers on this week's trending joke game!

Make Loud Noises: The only 100% effective way to survive compliments is to avoid them entirely. If you see a complimenter approaching, try scaring them away with loud noises. Bang pots and pans, yell, or fondly talk about the Joe Rogan Podcast.

Rumpledforeskin, The Pied Peeper, Puss 'n Boobs, and more #FriskyFairyTales on this week's trending joke game!

National Lampoon's Animal Cave: What sort of hijinx ensue when humans are forced to live in caves with wild animals? The animals eat the humans, we assume.

Root Beer Gloat, Dumb Raisin, Cookie Duh, and more #InsultingIceCream on today's trending joke game!

Mrs. Smithee, not a great time to show other residents photos of your grandchildren. Please be aware of sharp edges on rec room ping pong table. Polygrip not a suitable substitute for KY Jelly. And more.

‘SOS’ : Deserted island :: Cups on my nightstand : Depression, and more!

All they want to do is get laid. No concept of personal space. They never travel in groups smaller than swarms. And more!

Accept your new reality. It does not matter how you got here – whether it was a Sailor Moon transformation sequence or more of a Power Rangers assemble situation – you’re now 100% authentic grade A Chinese-American. That’s what matters.

Sinder, Harmers Only, Scratch, and more ##DemonicDatingApps on this week's trending joke game!

You are enough, but just barely. Practice saying no, but then cave and say yes. And more.

Be on the look-out for these bingo pranks. Happy April Fool's!

Experience America the way the early Americans did: in a covered wagon, a.k.a. the Conestoga wagon a.k.a. the prairie schooner! Our covered wagon partners will cart you and your family wherever the heck you’d all like to go. Just bear in mind, covered wagons have way worse heat than your old 1982 Toyota Corolla wagon, and we won’t be held responsible for frostbite. No smoking or open fires allowed in wagons.

Well, this was my revenge plan all along, you dingus! I knew if I kept the faith while you bullied me on earth, I’d get to spend an eternity rubbing it in your face while you got tortured by demons! I’ve always focused way more on the wrath part of Christianity than on the forgiveness part.

If you absolutely needed a full-body pic (I get it, I like to show off my full tank every once in a while too), you have a full-length mirror in your room. Your cute room, where there’s sexier background items like your unmade bed, your chaise lounge with all your dirty clothes thrown on it, your dying plants. It screams sex appeal!

The reflection of a haunted mirror is often an actual parallel dimension, and given half a chance an inhabitant of that dimension will attempt to possess and replace you at the first opportunity. This of course would leave you trapped in the mirror dimension, but so what? Who couldn't use a rest from the problems and responsibilities of their normal, daily routine? Just make sure that the reflection contains a nice, comfy bed, a tv and your bong. Now you're all set for the ultimate staycation!

Limerick and Morty, Danny Boy Meets World, Saved by the Belfast, and more! It's #IrishATvShow on this week's trending joke game!

'When Peter Gabriel left the band Genesis, why didn’t they change their name to Exodus?' Good one! That has potential niche value, bridging the gap between fans of Genesis’s early prog years and people who are at least vaguely familiar with the first few books of the bible (or the Pentateuch, depending on their religion). You may have an original joke on your hands. But for a little peace of mind, let our state of the art machine learning assistant double check that for you. The Giggle search engine has returned just one result:

You can distract him with one of his toys like Wally the Walrus (in kiddie pool in spare bedroom). Orville likes the water warm enough to poach an egg but Wally needs it cool as the ocean where we found him. They’ll have to work out a compromise.

If they're struggling with the drugs while they're chugging from a bottle, And they hide drugs up their buttholes just to get across the border, That's a druggy chugging wuggle buggle bottle butthole border struggle.

Thank you for choosing Home Depot, where doers get more done.…

Her cute new manicure is actually blood and gore from tearing out the throats of her enemies. She's been looking at David's Instagram photos without liking or commenting. And more!

If the video store wasn’t open, but you wanted to watch something, did you just break in and take what you wanted or did you scream at the top of your lungs until something eventually happened?

So many new things to soon explore! Illustrated list by Thomas Wykes.

Q: Is wiping front to back is the work of Satan and his minions (ie, Liberals). A: If you're wiping at all, you're several steps ahead than the vast majority of our members.

$42.00 from your therapist to her friend Krista for “cocktails Thursday night” - only two hours after your evening session. Is your stress so damn taxing on your therapist that she simply has no choice but to drink her annoyance away? Are you what’s pushing her to have to unwind like this? This feels like a slippery slope.

John F. Kennedy: Seinfeld-type Comic: Ask not what your country can do for you. Ask what’s the deal with the Bay of Pigs? 

You make my heart 'Zoom' and more!

But this year doesn’t have to be ruled by Hallmark, a stuffed animal, or a candy organ. The only organ we should be celebrating is the one without a condom going in and out of a lover or even better, a stranger.

Caillou from Caillou: Is this one really a surprise? Caillou is entitled, bratty, and viewed as a negative influence on children. It’s no shock that he grew up to become a Republican. He throws temper tantrums to get his way and is never punished for his actions. Caillou definitely stormed the Capitol.

'This is Orwellian', 'What Does Orwellian Mean?', 'No Really, Can Someone Explain It?' And more!

Hi everyone. I didn’t want to single anyone out, but it has come to my attention that some agents have been intimate with clients, and targets, and targets’ widows. This is just a reminder that someone cannot consent if they are afraid for their life. I have attached the code of conduct.

1. SNØRDNØRT: Inspired by Norwegian cuisine and culture, this outdoor-only dining destination welcomes the winter. “Of course it’s going to be cold outside. And dark.” SNØRDNØRT also employs a paramedic on-site, to tell you when you have legit developed frostbite and need to leave.