Dad Jokes: Just the Punchlines
I don’t know, CAN you assume I don’t want to be resuscitated? and more punchlines from Dad Jokes.
James Joyce Writes Taglines for Famous Movies
The 40-Year-Old Virgin
Frolick too late, no joy.
The…
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Overheard At The G7 Summit...
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"Hey, what's with…
Worst Vacation Roadside Attractions
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What Your Favorite Writer Says About You
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Things You Say to a Dead Loved One OR Your Kid When They’re at Sleep Away Camp for the First Time
We miss you terribly.
Are you making…
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Products Affected By China's New Tariffs
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Other Odd Side Effects Of Popular Drugs
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Weekly Horoscopes for the Unemployed
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Great Pacific Garbage Patch Timeshare Opportunities
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Answers to the Questions Bob Dylan Poses in 'Blowin' in the Wind'
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Quiz: Vape Flavor or Affectionate Nickname You Should Never Call Any Woman At Work By...
Crazy Chill
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Crazy Hump
Wild Cherry
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Basic Cable, I have some questions.
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The NFL All New National Anthem Policy
The NFL announced a new national anthem policy today:
Players…
9 Things That Are Definitely More Responsible For School Shootings Than Guns
Texas Lt. Gov. Dan Patrick says there are too many entrances…
Overhead At The Royal Wedding
"Chicken nuggets on the buffet!! The Trumps are coming??"
"Look…
10 Helpful Hints If You’re Lucky Enough To Land an Invite To Harry and Meghan’s Wedding
Don’t just leave your car keys with anyone in a fancy uniform. …
President Trump’s Short List for Veterans Affairs Secretary
Popeye
John Rambo
Sgt. Slaughter
Blade
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Trends in New Nostalgia
The hottest fashion trend making waves this summer…
36 More Questions To Fall in Love With Anyone
“In Mandy Len Catron’s Modern Love essay, “ To Fall in…
A Few Mighty, Uncanny Facts About Avengers: Infinity War
Iron Man is really pissed about Trump’s recent steel tariff…
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David, 42, is a hedge fund manager and father of two children…
15 Ways To Determine If Your Facebook Post Contains Hate Speech
It uses derogatory language to describe a person, animal, country,…
15 Things That Are Unquestionably True at the Gym
Assuming the spread-eagle position in public is perfectly okay…
Potential Headliners for Next Year’s White House Correspondents Dinner
Gallagher 2
Mike Huckabee
Jeff Dunham’s Terrorist…
Baseball Terms Explained for the Non-Baseball Fan By Someone Who Definitely Knows Baseball Very Well
AB - Player saw “a bat”
SB - Player “saw” a “bat”
BK…
A Midsummer Night’s Shakespeare with Ryan Gosling
To prove that nothing is outside Ryan Gosling’s range as an…
What to Expect After Implantation of Your Newterus®, the Hottest Feminine Upgrade Yet!
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New Apps for People Who Suffer From Time Mismanagement, Which Other People Shouldn’t Find So Problematic
Apologize Now - Are the apologies you give for your constant…
Why You’re Not Invited to Parties Anymore
That woman you brought to the last party kept biting the other…
Sean Hannity's Other Secret Advisers
It turns out Michael Cohen isn't the only associate of President…
IGotThatPeePeeTape and 9 Other User Names To Get US Visas From Trump Administration
With the US requiring would-be immigrants to turn over social…
Unexpected Twists During ABC's James Comey Interview
Comey was using the interview mostly as a platform to give away…
Upgraded Beatles Lyrics 2.0
All You Need Is Like, Like Is All You Need
Yelp! I Need…
Jokes My Sister Won’t Let Me Tell in a Toast at Her Wedding
It’s heartwarming to know that even in these tumultuous times,…
Least Surprising Items Found In The FBI's Raid Of Michael Cohen
Pages and pages of printed Melrose Place fan message board transcripts.
Doubles…
Get Your Tickets Now: Special Promotions For The 2018 Baseball Season
April 16, Phillies @ Braves—Bark at the Park Night, plus a…
A Look Back at Vince McMahon’s XPL: The Xtreme Polo League
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Cakes Religious Bakers Are Willing To Make
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Other Trumped Versions Of Headlines That Criticize His Actions
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Public Bathroom Etiquette: 11 Things You Don’t Say at Urinals
After multiple urinal related altercations in restrooms across…
11 Cereal Brands, Ranked by How Much They Could Also Be Cults
11. Trader Joe’s
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Someone else’s leftovers
Costco samples
A lettuce leaf that…
Overheard at the White House Easter Egg Roll
Egg roll? I thought we don’t allow Chinese people in the White…
Play Ball!: People Trump Would Like to Throw Out Instead of Traditional First Pitch
Carmen San Diego
Mueller
Random Cabinet Member
Mueller
Overrated…
10 Alternate Expressions to Use When “Cutting Onions” Seems Played Out
Ok, so you just read something that brought tears to your eyes,…
Wedding Rejection Emails
Listen to this article!
Dear Mary,
I regret to inform…
Updated Checklist for Future Screening of Potentially Dangerous Presidential Candidates
Party Chairpersons: While assessing your potential candidate,…
New Details Following The Stormy Daniels 60 Minutes Interview...
Members of Trump's organization threatened Stormy following the…
The White House's Nine-Point Plan to Make America's Schools Safe Again
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Yelp Reviews of The Last Supper
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11 Amazing & Exciting Gluten-Free Foods!
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PlentyOfPrisoners and 11 Other Sites For People Who Confuse Crazy In Love w/Being In Love w/Someone Crazy
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eBodilyHarmony
ChristianMangle
PlentyOfPrisoners
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5 Ways to Manage Your Yeast Infection While Protesting Outside Planned Parenthood
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Rejected Headlines For Rex Tillerson Firing After Someone Thought Of 'REXIT'
Tilt-R-Son?!
Rex, Eat Your Salad.
Former Gas Salesman Gaslit…
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The Real Reasons That Stormy Daniels Is Suing Trump
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Flu Watch 2018: Symptoms We’re Already Dead
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Dead Celebrity Museum
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Possible Comedians In Cars Getting Coffee Spinoffs
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If Trump Had Run Into The Florida School Shooting
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The Best Lyrics From Limp Bizkit’s New Apology Album
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Corporate Sponsors Who Have Turned Their Back On The NRA, Surprising Everyone With The Fact That They Were NRA Sponsors In The First Place!
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Mumford, No Son and 11 Other Discounted Bands Announce Spring/Summer Tours
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The Course of True Love Never Did Run Smooth, and Other Entries from the Diary of Stephen Miller
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Talk about a banner day for Stephen…
Other Bits Of Dirt Unearthed By The Mueller Investigation
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That's The Laws of Planetary Motion (Ooh) – Johann Kepler (Feat. Drake) and 11 other Scientific American Music Award Winners
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Storylines for the Next Batch of Cloverfield Movies
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At last, the 90 minute “Friends”…
Ladies, It's Snack Time
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Valentines for America's Most Beloved Sexual Predators
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Classic Works of Literature Rebranded for Millennials
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At long last reunited with Lucie, Dr.…
Other Notable Trysts that Quincy Jones Forgot to Mention in His Vulture Interview
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All of Our Rejected McSweeney’s Submissions
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Highlights Of Trump's Planned Military Parade
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Common Complaints About Popular Sex Toys
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Biggest State of the Union Surprises
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Reading 10,000 Books a Year is Easy—Just Do What I Do!
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Weekly Humorist's Guide To Hip, Hot Mid-Season Replacement TV Shows!
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Muff Divers
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8 Eerie Similarities That Show How Close The Queen Of England And Lindsay Lohan Are To Being The Same Person
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Lindsay has had…
5 New Chicago Based Cable Shows
NBC Studios
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
January 22nd, 2018
As…
5 Euphemisms to Watch in 2018
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You'll never look at a bill the same…
President Trump's Favorite Things About The Government Shutdown
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The Weekly Humorist Bookshelf
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Dry January Activities That Don’t Require Alcohol, Just An Unwavering Commitment To Fighting Corruption In The Figure Skating Community
It can be hard not to count the days until Dry January is over…
What These 5 Jesus Quotes Would Look Like If We Changed “Shithole” to “Shithouse”
“Who invited us to this shithouse?”
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Bucket List for When You Think You Have 38 Minutes to Live Before a Ballistic Missile Strikes
Try to pull a tablecloth from underneath a set of dishes.
Take…
Top Selling Christian Rock Albums Since Trump’s Presidential Win
Turn The Orange Cheek
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Small Hands, Big…
Most Interesting Things Overheard During Trump's Physical
"Sorry for the five-hour wait, Mr. President." "That's OK, Doctor.…
Famous Ernest Hemingway Quotes Adjusted for the Age of Trump
"All you have to do is write one fake sentence. Write the fakest…
The Top 20 Bestselling British Porno Magazines
Keen Jugs
Brilliant Fannies
Tally Ho, Naked Ladies!
Shag Fancy
Cockney…
Trump Explains Why Countries Made His Shithole List
Albania
"Voted against my homey Roy Moore."
New Zealand
"Not…
More Surprising Revelations From Michael Wolff's Fire And Fury
Cover charge to get into the White House is waived if you arrive…
Hey ‘80s and ‘90s Kids, Do You Remember These Defunct Mall Stores?
Cool Kevin’s Single Earrings
In the ‘80s there was nothing…
Deepak Chopra's Greatest Hits (feat. Justin Bieber)
Proof that by adding “Baby, baby, baby, oh" to a Deepak Chopra…
The Really Serious Problems With Sex Robots
1) They're oftentimes yell out Sarah Conner's name during intercourse.
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Signs That You're At A Terrible New Year's Eve Party
Your mom makes you go to bed right after it turns midnight.
The…
Other New Structures, Places And Things Named After Trump, Currently Under Construction
Just in time to swoop in and save his frail, trembling ego, Israel…
Most Returned Christmas Gifts: 2017 Edition
Rapist!
Harvey Weinstein's cologne for men (30% infused rose-water,…
The Real Reasons That Fans Are So Upset By The New Star Wars Movie
There is a disturbance in the Force. Or perhaps its simply…
List Of Illegal Moves In Chess
Castling after having earlier moved your king.
Moving…
The GOP's Holiday Caroling Set List
Rudolph The Ineligible, Pre-Existing Condition Having Reindeer
Baby,…
He’s Got Really Small Hands After All and 8 Other New Disney World Rides Added in Honor of Trump’s New Wax Figure in Hall of Presidents
Jared Kushner’s Slum Lords of The Caribbean
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The Weekly Humorist Last Minute Christmas Gift Giving Guide
Moscow Mule Drink Set
You know those popular copper cups that…
Quiz: George Carlin’s 7 Words You Can’t Say On TV or CDC’s 7 Words/Phrases Forbidden By Trump Administration
1 Comment
/
1. vulnerable
2.piss
3 motherfucker
4. entitlement
5. cunt
6.…
Holiday Carols for Mercury Retrograde
“I May or May Not Be Home for Christmas”
I’ve been sitting…
Duck Dynasty crew to release Christmas CD “What Would Jesus Shoot?”
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A Few Things That You Need To Know About Net Neutrality
Under Net Neutrality, all women on YouPorn now look sort of like…
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Nothing will put a…
Tea Flavor Descriptions That Are Trying To Tell You Something
Classic Green Tea
We pick the finest leaves from the highest…
Classic Rock for Domesticated Dads
(Don't Fear) The Swiffer
You Shook Me…
Why Trump wants to move the U.S. Embassy to Jerusalem
Frees up prime real estate in Tel Aviv for developing Trump Kasino…
Office Christmas Party Rules That Reflect Current Sexual Harassment Concerns
No more placing the mistletoe above your crotch and referring…
5 Takeaways from The Christmas Classic, “Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer”
Reindeer can be real a-holes. How else do you explain, “All…
New Turkey Stuffings To Keep Thanksgiving Interesting
A slightly larger turkey
Creamed corn
Avocado…
Stop Saying "Turkey Day" and Use One of These Other Thanksgiving Nicknames
The Great Cranberry Cotillion
Carb Christmas
Yelling…
Wait... Look, squirrel! and 7 Other Signs You Have Adult ADD
1: Wait... Look, squirrel!
2:
3:
4:
5:
6:
7:
8:…
Recent Justice League Sexual Harassment Allegations
Super-powered individuals are placed on a pedestal in our society,…
Willie Wanking and the Chocolate Factory And 9 Other Examples Of Louis CK’s Favorite Things
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11 Celebrity Dogs from TV & Film and How They Utilized Their Fame
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Death Row Cuisine: Make Your Last Meal Count!
That big day is finally here. The last appeals have been filed,…
Implications of Twitter Giving Everyone 280 Characters
Forces Trump to wake up twice as early to maintain current tweetstorm…
Trump's Super Grand Asian Trip Itinerary
Nov 5: Spend half an hour explaining to the Asian press that…
What Abbreviated Band Names are Actually Short For
10cc. Member Lol Creme would always ask band mate Kevin Godley…
The Very Basic Facts Contained In The FBI's Released JFK Assassination Documents
The FBI recently released all documents related to the 1963 assassination…
Halloween Horror Flicks For People Who Don't Like Being Scared
I Saw What You Did Last, Sumner Redstone
VeryNormal Activity
The…
Terrifying Halloween Costumes Based On Our New Normal
Fine Person
Comes with shaved-head skull cap…
President Trump Makes Calls To Other Tragedy Victims Throughout History
"So, yeah... sad, very sad. It's a shame that he wasn't working…
Deleted Scenes From The Upcoming Spider-Man : Homecoming Blu Ray
Web-shooters go off accidentally while riding on the subway,…
Rejected New Names for the Weinstein Company
Bad Touch Productions
Hurricane Harvey Inc.
Just…
Trump IQ Test
President Donald Trump has challenged Secretary of State Rex…