QUIZ: Is it T.S. Eliot or Missy Elliott?

I got a cute face, chubby waist. Thick legs, in shape. / For a similar reason, when game is in season, he is found, not at Fox’s, but Blimpy’s. And more.

Things About Beto That Bother Trump (Even More Than The Wild Hand Gestures)

That wife of his sure seems to like him an awful lot. Very suspicious...

My Signed Book Collection

David Copperfield by Charles Dickens: Signed by The Amazing Johnathan at a Magic Convention in Las Vegas in 2005. The line for the real-life David Copperfield was super long, and I was getting hungry.

Updated Religion Slogans for Gen-Z Recruitment

Agnosticism: The Joy of Missing Out, and more.

Prayers to the Internet Algorithm Overlord

You are the purple Lyft light I see, guiding me to the correct path. You are what gets me to my destination, even when I have forgotten what my destination is.

An Absurd And Morally Irresponsible Look Into 2020's Possible Best Picture Nominees

I Transformed My Body Into A Pot Beef Stew For This Role: Christian Bale is a lock for another best actor nod as he's undergone his most ambitious body transformation to date by morphing himself into a delicious, simmering pot of beef stew. With dynamite performances by Paul Giamatti as the man who makes the stew and Amy Adams as the woman who eats it, this erotic thriller is fun for the whole family and may score Netflix it's first best picture win.

What You May Have Missed During The Michael Cohen Testimony

Cohen wasn't stymied by any of the questions, but rather simply distracted by the "Dress Your Own Baked Potato" bar that was being set up just off camera.

Other Things That Fall Under Trump's Definition Of A National Emergency

Lock on backstage door at Miss Teen USA Pageant, Sean Hannity not making enough direct eye contact through TV, and more.

Valentine's From Your Mom's New Boyfriend

You're a HOOT...by the way OWL be moving my Bowflex into your playroom.

Love Me, Tinder! Worst Dating Profiles

Larry, 38, Nap enthusiast: My friends call me Lunchmeat Larry (except for my best friend, my mom, who prefers to call me Lunchmeat Lawrence), due to the fact that I smell uncannily similar to processed lunch meats,

Valentine's for Your Roommate

Valentine, you still owe me for your share of the utilities for December & Thanks for being a quiet masturbator, Valentine. And more!

Notable Harvard Alumni, Evaluated By How Much of a Dick They Were to Elle Woods

Colin Jost was a total dick and wrote shitty jokes about Bruiser Woods in The Harvard Lampoon.

What The Wall Will Actually Be Made Of

Former Trump Staff Members: Why not explore Trump's "human wall" idea further? A pile of former White House staffers would be just as good as your average fence (and no less transparent).

Other Bullied Kids Trump Considered Inviting to the State of the Union

But who didn't make the cut this evening? There must be many, many unfortunate souls out there tonight just as deserving? They sit alone watching tonight. We have their names:

The Art of Perfecting the Closed-Lip SOTU Smile!

Nancy Pelosi has her work cut out for her at the State of the Union Address. She'll need to avoid Sen. John Kennedy (R-La.) because he told her to call "the wall" a “wangdoodle” and now she can’t stop reading Urban Dictionary. Also, she’s really hoping Trump doesn’t mistake Stacey Abrams for April Ryan. But mostly, she’s worried she won’t be able to keep to keep her mouth shut as masterfully as Mike Pence and Paul Ryan did at last year’s SOTU.

Adam Levine’s Tattoos’ Thoughts on the Super Bowl Halftime Show

MERMAID WITH WINGS HOLDING A SKULL: How’s the show going, guys? I can’t see anything because I’m on the back.

All the Ways We're Avoiding Saying "The Super Bowl" in Our Rent-To-Own Furniture Commercial as to Not Be Sued by the NFL

"New England Loyalists vs Los Angeles Male Sheep" it's time for "Football's Season Finale"!

More CLASSIFIED White House Leaked Info From John Bolton's Notepad

'Explain salad', 'Trap Pelosi in a cage', 'Wall made of CHEESE?' And more super secrets revealed on Boltons notepad.

Romancing The Stone- Tips For Courting Roger Stone In Prison

Don't forget: You and Roger may have a solid prison romance, and it could very well be a beautiful experience, but he'll always... always... be Donald Trump's bitch.

Things We Now Know About Whales Since the 1851 Publication of Herman Melville's Moby Dick

The real-life whale known as Mocha Dick that destroyed over 20 whaling boats in the early 19th century and partially inspired Melville's Moby Dick is now known to have also been the inspiration for L. M. Montgomery's Anne of Green Gables.

Facebook Status: It’s Time To Purge My Friends' List!

You know the drill if you haven’t given me enough likes, hearts, and replied when I posted about the predictive text challenge for what 80s inspired colored underwear I should wear next Tuesday, you are getting purged.

Okay, So What Exactly Are In Those Putin Meeting Notes Stolen By Trump?

Putin had to agree to leave wrestling and McDonald’s alone before Trump would agree to dismantling America from within.

Other Woke Advertising Slogans

Hallmark: When you care enough to send the very best and not a trite "Happy Birthday!" on Facebook, which collects all your data and is pure evil. And more.

Awfully Critical Software Updates

Tinder: We read through your messages and we’ve selected you to beta test our new superdislike feature. And more.

Trump's Helpful Tips For Furloughed Government Employees

I've heard that drugs can make you feel much better about things in general, so maybe take some drugs. But better do it quick, because as soon as that wall goes up, no more drugs in America!

New Dating Rules For The Apocalypse

Have sex on the first date, actually, have sex the first ten minutes of the first date. You are going to die very soon.

Please Review the GOP-Approved Activities for Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez

The following represents all of the GOP-approved activities relating to Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez. In light of the recent dancing video, please take time to review this list.

Episode Descriptions from Netflix’s All-New Real-Time Reality Show: Escape/Room

Two couples attempt to complete an escape room. While the timer counts down, they search for clues and make discoveries about themselves. We explore one hour of time in thirteen hours of gripping drama and revolutionary storytelling.

Top Lists Of 2018 List

12 Gluten Free Foods That Taste Almost As Good As People Liking You Again, and more!

9 Amazingly Incredible Boxing Day Facts

They say on Boxing Day, if you were good all year, Mike Tyson visits you in the middle of the night and personally punches you in the face. And more.

The Weekly Humorist Guide To Gadget & Gizmo Gifts That You Have To Have In Order To Remain Relevant To Your Friends, And To Yourself

The folks at Facebook were toying around with the idea of calling this video communication system the Facebook Portal, but let's face it, we know what you disgusting perverts are going to use it for. So, the Facebook Porn-al it is.

California Proposition 65 Warnings for Social Media Apps

Twitter WARNING: This app contains chemicals known to the state of California to cause users to only follow those who share your same worldview, a lot of comedians, and Cher. Frequent use of Twitter often results in a delightfully pleasant-sounding echo chamber that is regularly contrasted by feelings of boiling anger caused after reading news reports detailing the horrors that perpetually occur throughout the planet, topped off with what Cher thinks about Donald Trump.

Busta Dissident And 7 Other Rapper Names For Vladimir Putin

Vladimir Putin wants Russia to control rap music.  So, to give…

TBA: Smockey Bear And 7 Other Official Changes In Spelling

Look for White House Press Secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders to announce the following official changes in spelling to prove that Trump’s spelling ‘smoking gun’ ‘smocking gun’ wasn’t a mistake, just a preview of a new federal spelling policy.

Worst Movies of the Year

RebaCop- How about a movie exactly like Robocop, but as portrayed by country music act Reba McEntire? Um, no thanks. And audiences for once agreed. At least this failure saves us from the possibility of the studio's proposed shared "RebaVerse". And more.

Only A True ‘80s Kid Can Name The ‘80s Sitcoms That Spawned These Popular Catchphrases

“Punky Brewster, stop eating our cat this instant!” & “Mr. Belvedere was my father’s name. It is also my name. Please call me that.”

Manager Handbook Chapter 12: So You’ve Hired A Woman. Now What?

Hiring competent people, regardless of their gender, is an important aspect of any manager’s job, but in today’s post #MeToo world, men in positions of power need to take certain precautions when they decide to allow a female into an office environment. No doubt she’s going to wreak some havoc simply by having breasts and walking around, so it’s important to prepare your male employees by requesting they review these guidelines and procedures should they have to interface with her.

Packaging Copy on Egg Cartons that Allows You to Buy Eggs in Good Conscience

Eggs from hens who listen to assorted podcasts to prevent incubation from being stultifying and who create and innovate using a 3-D printer in the henhouse computer lab.

New on Netflix: December 2018

Here's A List Of What's Coming To Netflix For December, 2018... American…

Mister T Cups and Other 9 Rejected Theme Park Rides

Splash Mountain of Debt, The Tunnel of Courtney Love, Thunder Thighs Mountain and more.

Holiday Maladies

LegNog: Most often caused by being bitten in the leg by a reindeer with lyme disease. And more.

Least-Purchased Cyber Monday Deals

"Extrava-Danza! The Poetry of Tony Danza" audiobook, 54 cents, and more.

Reheated Thanksgiving Horror Flicks

I Spit On Your Gravy, Silence Of The Yams, Soylent Green Bean Casserole...you get it.

Safe Topics To Discuss This Thanksgiving

Pottery.    

‘105 Luftballons’ and 9 Other Rock ‘N Roll Recounts

With all the hullabaloo surrounding the recent recounts in Florida and Georgia, the following tunes were given a recount. The results tabulated as follows...

Jonathan Franzen's Other Rules For Novelists

Treat the reader like you would treat your own mother -- distantly but politely. Call the reader once a year but no more.

If You Tag Someone In This Post, I Might Be Able To Keep This Job

Tag someone who hasn’t seen the sun set but still has a Facebook account somehow. Probably because they are a troll, but even clicks from trolls might help me keep this late-night social media shift and move to a place with 5 or 6 fewer roommates.

Talk that Trump Jr. to be indicted by Mueller soon... Or, as Trump Sr. will say...

“Heard he wet the bed. He’s no Trump. Everyone knows we have hookers do that for us.”

Democrat House Of Representatives To Do List

Hispanic members of House and Senate no longer forced to wear sombreros. And more.

New “I’m Not a Robot” Tests

Here’s a photo of your family. Click on the people you no longer talk to. Then click on the people who have asked to borrow money.

Meet Your New and Improved Elected Representatives!

Indicted for Campaign Corruption, Securities Fraud, Self-published Bigfoot Erotica and more fun from our elected officials!

Ways To Painlessly Kill Time Until Election Results Are Available

Call your mom and let her tell you about what's been happening on Grey's Anatomy. See if David Hasselhoff will accept your Facebook friend request. And more.

Weekly Humorist Voting Tips

Once you've voted, please don't then call the voting location every fifteen minutes or so in an attempt to find out the results. The results will be shown later on TV. You remember how much you love your TV, right?

WebMD.gov Entry for Trump Derangement Syndrome in the Year 2030

Overview The first cases of Trump Derangement Syndrome (or TDS)…

Reasons to Complain about Merkel

The immigrants. I mean she just let them in. All those…

Every Show I’ve Pitched Food Network That They’ve Rejected Because They’re Cowards

Does This Taste Like It’s Gone Bad? Country Cookin’ in Cookin’ Country with Casey Cook, Lick Guy Fieri’s Earring and more.

Repurposing Halloween Junk Into Thanksgiving And Christmas Junk!

Leftover Halloween candy (yeah, right) can be used as Christmas…

Key Takeaways from Horror Films

Alien: When you eat with co-workers, something is likely to spill…

Your Guide To The Hottest Halloween Parties!

Thomas' House Kind of a bummer this time around, as his mom's…

Every Beatle, Ranked

Cute Beatle: Paul, Smart Beatle: John, Quiet Beatle: George, Funny Beatle: Ringo, Evil Beatle: Azrael and more.

Easy Costume = Creative Topical Halloween Success!

Tattoos of everyone's name that you've met over the past several hours = Pete Davidson. And more.

Top Fantastical NFL Halloween Costumes

Unharmed NFL Spouse, Team Owner The Doesn't Harbor Secret Racist Feelings, Employed Protesting Quarterback and more.

Terrifying White House Inspired Halloween Costumes

Sexy Mitch McConnell, Zombie Mitch McConnell, just Mitch McConnell. And more.

Rejected 'Halloween' Masks

Did you know that Micheal Myers’ original mask from “Halloween” was actually just a Captain Kirk mask painted white? Believe it or not, Kirk was not the only iconic television star of the day to be considered.

Failed Halloween Treats

Fresh water taffy, Caramel-Coated Pine Cones, Topless Trading Cards Featuring Photos Of Your Mom In Her 20’s and more.

‘Beaver Tails’ and Other Stocks to Buy Now That Pot is Legal in Canada

Got the munchies eh? These are the stocks to watch!

Revised Major League Baseball Team Names Under The Rule Of Its New Commissioner, A Guy Who Loves Happy Days

Oakland Aaaaaaaaaas, Houston Space Fonzies, Texas Cowboy Fonzies and more.

Imagined Notification Texts from Two Startup Meal Delivery Services in the Near Future

12:26 PM from Cuminoids: Looks like Farm 2 Mouth meal delivery just showed up at the same time. Not sure why you have both services going as Cuminoids has everything you could need in our inventory with an emphasis on all things enhanced by Cumin.

Helpful Hints When You Accidentally Make Direct Eye Contact With the Kiosk Mall Employee

Whip out your 7 Sutra Ionic Heat Brushes from your purse and cry, “What more do you people want from me?”. And more.

Other Horror Movie Remakes That Will Be Following The New Halloween Model...

The Amityville Horror: The house is no longer haunted, but there are a few foundation problems that probably need to be looked at. And that front porch is going to need a bit of work, for sure. And more.

Hallmark Halloween Movies

Pumpkin Spicy: Ryan, a nice Christian man who probably voted for Trump — but it won’t come up — always wins the town’s annual pie contest with his classic pumpkin pie. But this year he has a new adversary — Sophie. And more.

Unsubscribe Response or Pleading Text from My Ex?

Ending things can be rough, for both significant others and insignificant brands. Please love us.

Tips for Becoming A Good Sailor Taken from Different Periods Throughout History

1700s: Teach your parrot to say naughty things. It cannot be overstated how important this is.

News Stories You May Have Missed During The Kavanaugh Fiasco...

Nudists Not Allowed In Cake Shop, Birdhouse Projects On The Up And Up, and more headlines you missed!

Coffee is for Voters

You think this is abuse? You can't take this -- how can you take another term and a half of Trump? I can go out there in November with the candidates you got, make myself a new Senate Judiciary Committee. Can you? Can you? Go and do likewise! Get mad! Get mad!! You know what it takes to vote? You just have to be registered.

The Cool Things About Wearing A Crime-Fighting Symbiote

Emasculating embarrassments on the tether-ball court are a thing of the past, my toothy friend!

Prizes For Trump Now That Winning Nobel Peace Prize is Kaput

Cracker Jacks ‘Prize Inside the Box’     That’s…

LEAKED: The Full Set of Rules for Reading the FBI’s Kavanaugh Report

Inside the room are a series of objects that contain clues on how to unlock the box. Do not break any of the items to find clues. All items are on personal loan from Tobin and Squi.

LEAKED: The White House Approved Kavanaugh FBI Interview List!

"David Dennison" Donald Trump Jr. “Bart O’Kavanaugh,”Anthony Kennedy and more.

11 Statements More Accurate Than "Boys Will Be Boys”

Girls Will Be Paid Less, Dick Pics Will Be Unsolicited and more.

Brett Kavanaugh's 1982 Calendar

{ Official Transcript of provided Brett Kavanaugh 1982 Calendar } July 10 – “Visit Yale, Remember Visine.” July 21 - "Hypothetical Plans" July 22 – “Buy gag dick” – (X’d out)

Holy Moley Genitals, Batman! Other Times That Batman Has Exposed His Penis...

The Justice League's Christmas Parties, 1984 - 1997, at which point HR had to step in and get involved.

Who Said It: Acclaimed Murder-Mystery Novelist Agatha Christie or Stand Up Comedian John Mulaney?

“No! In fact, we’re going to frame you for murder!” / "I saw a wheelchair knocked over on it’s side… with no one in it. That’s a bad thing to see. Something happened there. You hope it was a miracle. But probably not.' and more.

Is Your Dating App Match, A Bit Too Much Of A Match? Welcome to Incestry FAQ

Is this new person you find so relatable someone that you're actually related to? Let's find out!

Ethics Training for the Galactic Empire

Welcome to the Galactic Empire Ethics Training. Upon completion of this learning module you will take an aptitude test graded by your managing Sith Lord. A failing score is punishable by a force-choke that may result in death, but what we’re really looking for here is effort!

Childhood Games Updated For Adulthood

All your favorites! Truth or Dare To Speak To Your Manager, Duck, Duck; Sagging Caboose, 7 Minutes in the Dermatologist’s Office, Musical Chairs With Lumbar Support and more.

Every Known Sports Venue “Cam"

Kiss Cam you've heard of, but what about the Kiss Cam Cam? Another camera captures the guy operating the Kiss Cam, and he and his Kiss Cam camera have to kiss. It’s fun! And more.

New iPhone Features That NO ONE Wanted

Blood analysis port that tests you for STDs, and then loudly announces the results every five minutes until the battery runs out...and more.

The Top Romantic Comedies of 2098

Future problems: Nuclear war, A.I. domination, Emboldened gangs of cockroaches. Same issues: Finding a man for that quirky but lovable single lady!

Things Famous Men Can Talk About In An Interview Other Than Masturbation

Recently an interview Paul McCartney did for GQ regales readers with a story about masturbating with John Lennon. Possibly, it seems, famous men need a helpful list of things to talk about in interviews that are not masturbating.

New Programming for Fall Season: TV Mashups

Loveboat NCIS, West Wing World, Golden Girls of Gilead Got Talent and more.

Wild Horses Can’t Drag Us Apart, Oy Vey’ and 7 Other Rolling Stone Lyrics Made Age Appropriate

Just by adding “Oy Vey” to a ‘Rolling Stone’ lyric, the band sounds their actual age...

Does Jim Mattis Think You’re Smarter Than a Fifth Grader? and 11 Other TV Reality Shows a Post Presidency Trump Could Appear On

Who Wants to Be A Pretend Billionaire? We have a guess. Bob Woodward’s “Fear” Factor Anyone?

Inanimate Objects the GOP Might Nominate for the Mid-Term Congressional Elections

Orange traffic cone, Box set of Ted Nugent CDs and more.

What You Need To Know About Supreme Court Nominee Brett Kavanaugh

Trump based his endorsement mostly on the fact Kavanaugh's haircut reminds him of Judge Judy's...and more.

This Is Not The America I Recognize From The Back Of All Those State Quarters

This is not the America that we were promised--the America on the back of all those commemorative state quarters from 18 years ago. The ones with all the pictures on them. Illinois is still a ginormous picture of Abe Lincoln wearing an unbuttoned shirt that reveals way too much of his chest. Waaay too much of his chest.

President Trump’s Labor Day BBQ Menu

Buffalo wings prepared with bald eagle rather then chicken Potato…

The People On This Subway Car Ranked By Deliciousness Should It Come To That

Situations like this can force one’s hand. Now, more often than not situations like these don’t involve eating another person, but if it did, and I’m not saying it would, this is who I’d suggest we start with.

Reasons It's Still Okay To Drink Lots And Lots Of Booze

Some smarty-pants scientific types recently unveiled to the world the fact that alcohol, in any amount, isn't good for you. What a slap in the face! But don't despair. We got really drunk and came up with a few of these...

A Back to School Message from Your Child’s Teacher, Mr. Axl Rose

Welcome to the Jungle Gym, aka Room 16. My name is Mr. Axl Rose,…

Your List Of Junior College Back To School Supplies

*** Please buy at least three of each, as most of your stuff…

Honest New York Times Wedding Announcements

Sasha, a graduate student in social work at New York University, and Henry, an angel investor and serial entrepreneur, met at a networking event hosted by the Harvard College Alumni Association in the City of New York, where they quickly discovered a shared passion for French pastry, expressionist painting, and pharmaceutical cocaine.

I'm a Risk Taker

Oh, you don’t believe me? Well, I’ll prove it to you.

So, a Character in a Thing You Like Has Been Cast, With a Non-Straight White Male and You Are Angry. A Next Step Guide.

Resist the urge to make a "White Luke Cage" argument. Do…

4 Sex Positions Where You Can Secretly Watch a Steve Harvey Hosted Show

Your significant or not-so-significant other may want to try…

So, What Exactly Do You Have To Do To Get Your Security Clearance Revoked By Trump?

Delete episodes of To Catch A Predator from his DVR ("Lots of…

A Dozen New Oscars So That Your Favorite Wins Something

1. Best Live Action Feature with Talking Infants or Animals   2.…

Now Available In The App Store!

Areola Cola Amazing app that takes plain old breast milk and…

Literary Tropes That We, the Artificial Intelligence-run Publishing House of the Future, Are No Longer Interested In

Romance novels in which a doomed love affair ends with both sentient…

The NRA is Attempting to Raise Additional Funds Through the Sale of Cookies Because Those Girl Scout Brats Never Need to Launder Russian Money to Stay Solvent

Since 1871, the NRA has been the backbone of conservative values…

Trump Tweets: Bigly Badding Do-Gooders

 

Kane Mutiny And Captain O’ Captain Lou Albino vs. The On The Road Warriors and 7 Other Wrestlemania Matches: The Norton Anthology Of Literature Edition

Brett Hart of Darkness vs. Sgt. Slaughter House Five Rowdy…

20 Hairstyles for Fox News Personalities

Bad Ombré The Extreme Bias Cut Sleek, With Side-Swept…

Classic Male Movies Remade as “Feminist” Flicks

Ghostbusters, Oceans 8, and the coming-soon remakes of timeless stories like 'What a Woman Wants' have shown us that women have very low standards for what is considered a feminist “win” for Hollywood. So here are my pitches for the next ballbuster blockbuster...

Groucho Marx: ‘I wouldn’t want to belong to a LinkedIn group that would have me as a member,’ and 11 Other Famous Quotes Updated for Millennials

Bible: Let he who is without sin podcast throwing the first stone Shakespeare’s…

Pop Music Challenges To Try After Drake’s KiKi Challenge

If you’ve already completed Drake’s challenge, which involves…

If The Rules of Fight Club Were Repurposed for Book Club

The first rule of Book Club is: you do not talk about Book Club. The…

Other Recent Changes To Your MoviePass Account

MoviePass announced it is raising its price and cutting access…

13 Fun Things You Didn’t Know About Class Reunions

Brush up on the history of this strange custom before you attend…

Biggest Scoops And Spoilers From 2018 Comic-Con International: San Diego

Within the next couple of months or so, there are going to be…

Welcome to Greg & Jackie’s Wedding Site—Fuck Yeah!

Welcome to Greg & Jackie’s Wedding Site—Fuck Yeah! August…

Half-Assed Apologies From Historic Leaders For Egregious Crimes Against Humanity

Pharaoh of The Exodus   When I enslaved the Israelites…

Fun Indoor Games to Play with Your Children While the Earth is Melting

This May was the hottest May in recorded history for the entire…

Upcoming Rebooted TV Shows

Everyone is out of new ideas, it seems.    In creative mediums…

White House Revised List: Donald Trump’s Favorite Things

Favorite Golfer: Tiger Wouldn’ts Favorite Tongue Twister:…

‘Mr. Gorbachev add onto this wall’ and 6 other Presidential quotes Trump would have ‘fixed’ if he had been President

George Washington: I can tell a lie.  Cherry tree? What cherry…

Baseball’s State-of-the-Union

As the 89th annual Midsummer Classic is upon us, it’s that time again when baseball sizes up how to improve public perception and sales after the All-Star break, or really, the old-age question; “How do we draw more of today’s youth to the sport to fill more seats?”

Epic Gender Reveal Party Theme Ideas for Men

Football Game Gender Reveal: Hire two professional football…

Regional Variations on S’mores

There’s no snack more quintessentially summery than s’mores.…

Other Times Meghan Markle Has Broken Royal Protocol

Meghan Markle has caused a stir by breaking royal protocol…

Rejected Trump Balloon Concepts (after settling on the fat Trump baby)

Leering Trump balloon groping Garfield balloon. Trump…

Quiz: Deadly Sin or Snow White Dwarf

1.    Envy 2.   Gluttony 3.   Sneezy 4.   Greed 5.…

Affirmations To Reduce Worry When The News Media Stops Covering #Kidgate 2018

By the time you read this, we will still be in a highly polarized,…

The Tri-State Area’s Lowest-Rated Birthday Party Clowns

The Clown That Ran Over Your Dog While He Was Parking, and Diabeeto: The Clown That Needs to Give Himself a Shot Real Quick. Smile!

How To Monetize Your Kitten

Now that you brought home your new cat, it’s time to take this…

Rejected Summer Camp Activities

Summer camp is the place for a lot of things: S'mores, Candle Making, Friendship, Etc. But thankfully camp is not the place for any of THESE things.

President Trump’s Definitive Shortlist Of Supreme Court Justice Picks

This has potential to be the most surprising or least surprising thing you've read today.

Rainbow Trout and 13 Other LGBTQ Friendly Things Hungarian Right Wingers Might Want to Ban Along with The Musical Billy Elliot

You really just have to get rid of all of it or people might actually start being themselves.

Rejected Happy Hour Specialty Cocktails

Flint Still Doesn’t Have Clean Water -arita (@MattHarbert) Dark…

Football Moves That Can Also Be Used To Reject People Hitting On You In Bars

You’re probably aware of the game they call football.  But…

Lines I Imagine Jeff Goldblum Saying In "Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom"

“Life, uh, finds a way. For the fifth time, apparently.” “I…

Forever 21 to Life and 8 Other Wedding Registries For People Marrying Their ‘In The Pen Pal’

So, your female bestie’s ‘In The Pen Pal’ beau has proposed…

11 Things You Never Knew About “The Jetsons”

In 1962, William Hanna and Joseph Barbera pitched a primetime…

“Alexa, Self-Destruct” And Other Ways To Delete What Alexa Records You Saying

With the recent news that Amazon’s Alexa device saves recordings…